The Confession

I wrote this story because confession leads to knowledge of oneself and the desire to please God. We cannot overcome sin, but as Matthew Kelley says, “We can become a better version of ourselves,” which prepares the way to heaven, our ultimate destination.

It was in January of 2013, that we made a pilgrimage to Israel with three other couples from our parish and about 150 others from around the US. Jeff and Emily Cavins were our tour guides. Three priests, including Father Mike Schmitz, who was a friend of Jeff’s from Minneapolis, were along on the tour. It was the most wonderful and spiritual trip, visiting all of the places so familiar to us from the Bible and hearing Jeff’s enlightening talks.

There is so much to share about this pilgrimage. Visiting the Holocaust Museum and meeting a Jewish lady who knew Anne Frank, picking stones from the creek bed where David slew Goliath, saying our wedding vows at Cana, standing in the courtyard where Peter denied Christ three times within view of Gethsemane, and visiting the Holy Sepulcher church and the Via Dolorosa, were just some of the highlights of the pilgrimage.

There were many more experiences on this trip, but I was inspired to share the following on confession.

After dinner, they announced that Confession would be available to any who were interested. We were to meet in the middle of a field where a huge bonfire was glowing, surrounded by chairs. Being a very dark night, the glow of the fire lit up the sky. As we sat around the fire, all were meditating quietly. Jeff told us there were three paths leading into the darkness and for those that wanted to go to Confession to follow a path one at a time.

One does not need a confessor to take a close look at oneself, but we do need to ask for God’s help to recognize our sin. It is in acknowledging our sin and calling upon Him that we are given the grace to overcome it. The mental reflection is what helps us on our journey to heaven.

I really don’t like going to confession, but I knew I would feel better after I went, just like I feel better after exercise, which I do not like to do either. During meditation I thought about the seven deadly sins that come from our human nature. They are Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Lust, Gluttony, and Sloth. I struggle with most all of these to some degree, but decided on pride as number one. These sins are always with us because our human nature is in opposition to our spiritual nature. We cannot overcome these or even control them without a strong will and God’s help. I thought about the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit given us after Jesus ascended into heaven. They are Understanding, Wisdom, Council (our conscience), Knowledge, Fear of the Lord (awe of God), Piety (holiness) and Fortitude (strength endurance). The Spirit not only convicts us of our sin, but also gives us the gifts to overcome it.

Proverbs 28:13

If you hide your sins, you will not succeed. If you confess and reject them, you will receive mercy.

I took a path and noticed Father Mike sitting with an open chair next to him. I began with an act of contrition and then mentioned pride as my biggest problem. It comes in many forms such as why I did not like going to confession. It was because I did not want the confessor to think badly of me. I gave other examples. At the very end I told him I was doing a lot better on recognizing pride in myself.” I don’t know if I thought it or he said it, but I felt a tinge of pride in those words. At the end he gave me absolution and said, “You made a very good confession.” Was the good feeling in hearing those words pride or joy from the Spirit? Someone told me that if you worry that joy is pride, it is not, but a gift.

Humility is what we need to offset pride, but it is so elusive. If we seek it, we cannot find it, because it is a gift from God. If we think we have Humility, we don’t and if we have it, we do not know we have it. Those who focus more on others, rather than themselves, receive it without knowing.

In the book, On My Way, I mentioned that it took me 26, years to get out of the dark blue circle to seek a closer relationship with God. My friend said it wouldn’t take him that long. I said, “You haven’t been convicted yet.” Conviction is when God points out a sin that you have, but did not see in yourself. You may have seen it in others, and others may have seen it in you. The Holy Spirit points it out to you. You discover it is part of your nature, and hard to root out. Just as you feel you are getting that sin under control, He points out the next one you did not see in yourself. The road to holiness is not an easy road. We need to continually face up to our human weaknesses. The seven deadly sins are in all of our nature. I say to myself, I am not greedy but I look at how the stock market is doing almost every day. I am generous but certainly not to a point where it hurts. Every time I get a hold of myself and do something right and good, God gives me some fruit of the Spirit, like when I felt joy and peace, when Father said, “You made a good confession.”

If we are seeking the kingdom of God, the Holy Spirit is the one that convicts us, but Christ is there to help us through the difficult process of letting go of self, and the Father in turn sends the Spirit who gives us the fruits of: Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control and Long suffering. See Galatians: 5:22-26. When filled with the Holy Spirit, others see these fruits within us.

Clarence